Restless and troubled...

.. I get up early and write. I was dreaming of military, Europe and the field. Wednesday I weighed 209.5 pound, blood pressure 137/92 with a heart rate of 40 bpm. Thursday I weighed 208.0 pounds, blood pressure of 133/91 and a heart rate of 41 bpm. Today I weigh 205.0 pounds, blood pressure is 159/87 with a heart rate of 41 bpm. Except for going to the chin up bar for some feeble but very needed attempts to get my head above the bar I have not been exercising, and yesterday I didn't even walk to the dock. The pain in my foot has really gone down and almost away, and the swelling is fading into nothing -- my feet are still ugly but functioning very well and I think I will start training again on Saturday -- trying to look seventy when I am only sixty.

The restless worry is about yesterday at the library. I was giving the time sheets to the inmate workers for them to check and then sign. One worker refused to sign it and said he wasn't going to since I had shorted him for the last two months. I was shocked but was sure I had mis-understood what he said, for I would have no reason to short him or any of the workers. Still it bothered me and after he came back from lunch I asked him if he had really meant that I had shorted him, he said yes that he had kept his own time sheet and that I had. Then I asked him if he wanted me to leave, and I think the question bothered him but he said no, that we could just forget about it. Wrong answer, I didn't forget and contacted my supervisors and then his Corrections supervisor since his counselor wasn't in. He sent me the form to fill out for a lay-in until the problem is resolved. Which means the inmate clerk that can't trust me isn't coming back to work for a supervisor that shorts him on his hours and pay.

I didn't short him, but he was the second of the last two workers to say that about my time sheets, the problem is that the time sheets don't allow one to be that creative with time, it is or it isn't the time and the total hours. And if I had made a mistake the workers just point it out and I fix it immediately, I have done that before. So I get two of my last two workers to decide I am crooked, which means to me that they are basically crooked and look at the world as the same. Anyway, I am very testy about my honor - having been treasurer of several different organizations and handling library fines and deposits for two of the libraries I worked at, I really hate being thought of as dishonest and a liar. My blood pressure was sailing right up there yesterday and I felt miserable until my supervisor and the institution said okay to laying him in until he got terminated. Maybe I should pray for us all, I certainly need it.

tuesday, garbage day and it goes out...

I wake from dreams of being a Command Sergeant Major at a major parade function where I know none of the officers, my wife is there and then ignored and off as I move out to give commands to the Division (pretty impressive), I stop and look at my weapons, I seem to have two - an M16 and some super black and plastic almost spaceage rifle with slim silver colored cartridges. I am cleaning it and the ammunition. I find nothing strange about having weapons and ammunition at a parade - I had it when I was younger, old man's dreams feel the same.

I wake and take my medications, resupplied on the run to Fort Lewis yesterday, I was 210 pounds then, blood pressure was 138/78 and heart rate of 42 bpm. Today I am 208.5 pounds with a blood pressure of 155/132 and a heart rate of 28 bpm, so I take it again and get 149/91 with a heart rate of 39 bpm. I am alive. The garbage is gathered and put out and I have devotions, there are many people in nursing and hospitals that need God's touch and support for the families, every prayer helps. I have gruel and my wife has rice soup with her half of the banana and English muffin. We aren't cutting costs by halving the food, just sharing it for the space it will leave in the bellies, stuffed is for teddy bears. I write three checks and put them and the bills into envelopes and delay just a bit my exercises for the morning and the treadmill, the constant rain is going to keep me off the motorcycle today and the jogging joyously on the road... but I must adapt or become a fatter old man.

I found last night that my left foot is developing a mirror pain to the one in my right foot, which to me means it probably isn't due to the motorcycle crushing it, but could be aging badly - only whiskey and cheese seems to improve with age. I am not either... nor improving I knock out forty repetitions of the basic three, because I can and am determined to be less than I should be. One is hardest on oneself when being critical. So I go to jog on the treadmill looking about the wall, unfinished, for fifteen minutes for my heart and the children. 152 calories, 40% fat ones, average heart rate 122 bpm, in Zone 12 minutes 55 seconds, Exercised 15minutes 3 seconds. I am a little better man for that, thank the Lord.

From Dreams of Greatness I awake

I was in a military dream with large brick barracks complexes, and I had won the Best Soldier/Paratrooper/Sergeant of the Moment, was going to be put on the unit's memorial trophy and was going to give up some of my uniform parts to make it happen. Same Command Sergeant Major McBride in charge of the details, then the alarm went off and I wonder if that means I am going to win the Lotto, have to buy the winning ticket don't I?

I weigh 210.0 pounds, blood pressure is 121/86 with a heart rate of 40 bpm. Take my meds, have devotions and pray for the rest of the world, only the LORD can help, I am reading Isaiah 42.

Hibernation is OVER! git up and git out...

I had strange dreams of coffee shop ladies and comfort girls, never so many women in my dreams, but I was okay for the long haired girl friend (who became my wife) was with me. Very different dreams and no reason for them I could imagine. I wake earlier than the Sunrise, which is soon to be delayed by Congressional order. I forget to take my medicines, do remember devotions and measurements, I weigh 209.5 pounds and my blood pressure is 129/84 with a heart rate of 39 bpm. After checking email, delete and some answers, then the blogs then to eating my gruel and finding out what I am to fear according to the media - I am ready to change my ways, the Sun is up and behind the clouds and I need to move muscles and start living again.

I knock out fifty repetions of the basic three: bent leg sit ups, push ups, and squats. The very minimum basic body weight exercise for the day, should be more but I have laid off too long with the congestion and cold. I get my heart rate monitor belt on, and go out to jog. Cool and gray a jogger's day, I am going a little long but shorter than I should - in two weeks I have a twenty kilometer road race to run, work on that form. I see signs of Spring all around, buds, flowers and birds pairing up looking for love in all the right places. The geese on the island have paired and are staking out territory for nesting, as long as it isn't inside the fence they aren't troubled by the guards. I have a good pace, getting into the zone quickly and I remind myself about the stretch and the stride a few times. No dark dog problems, one heart walker with two women in support and their better health along laughing. I pick up two pennies in different places and feel richer already. The jog is 57 minutes and 29 seconds, in the zone for 53 minutes and 45 seconds, with an average heart rate of 118 beats per minute. About 571 calories burned, and forty-five percent of that should have been from fat.

I wake from a nap (so old man-like) covered by a blanket, I get up and go to the chin up bar, two attempts at chin ups, mix ups and pull ups. Mind over matter, not strong enough mind and way too much matter, feeble attempts to be fixed with more work. I take a test of What D&D character would I be.

Lawful Good Human Paladin/Cleric (4th/4th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 14
Dexterity- 16
Constitution- 15
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 16
Charisma- 14

I am not that perfect but wouldn't mind playing such a fine fellow, back to the chin ups!

Friday fooled

Last of the work week, I weigh 206.5 pounds and my blood pressure is 129/83 with a heart rate of 37. It does seem like my blood pressure is where it should be.

Little steps, make a journey...

I weigh 207.0 pounds, blood pressure is 140/85 with a heart rate of 41 beats per minute, hopefully with a nice rhythm, irregular is the kind of fellow I want to be, not the way my heart works. I am still hiding from breaking out in muscular sweats for lots of reps and against gravity - the last of the cold lingers but it is going. I walk to the dock and notice that I can see the pathway along the road, the light has returned to my days. The trees aren't as green as this picture, the route is the same and budding has started on some of the early ones, Spring then Summer is to be looked for.

I stopped with my wife at a restaurant, and the waitress asked if I worked at McNeil Island, and I said yes. We ordered and when she brought back the drinks, she said "You're the guy that walks everyday." So easy to build a reputation, just by being a little different. There are, in good weather, other walkers, and a few in bad. Mostly everyone rides the bus, the American way. I have almost always walked down, unless I am running out of time to catch the ferry or I am ill for some reason. People think it is for my fitness that I do the walk, but for that I jog, the walk is for my mental health. The thick tree lined road, twisting with animal sign and sightings, takes me back to walking home in Pennsylvania, wondering where are the French and Indians. I use the time to daydream a bit, to wonder 'what if?' of many silly things. And then suddenly I am at the dock ready for the ferry boat ride.

Only one more time to walk, hard and fast, after arrival at the island dock the race starts to get inside the gates and get to work. I like the surge, passing the Headquarters building, to get to the entry gates, under tower guard control. Up the steps two at a time into Control and then work. My mind is ready, my spirit soared.