Restless and troubled...

.. I get up early and write. I was dreaming of military, Europe and the field. Wednesday I weighed 209.5 pound, blood pressure 137/92 with a heart rate of 40 bpm. Thursday I weighed 208.0 pounds, blood pressure of 133/91 and a heart rate of 41 bpm. Today I weigh 205.0 pounds, blood pressure is 159/87 with a heart rate of 41 bpm. Except for going to the chin up bar for some feeble but very needed attempts to get my head above the bar I have not been exercising, and yesterday I didn't even walk to the dock. The pain in my foot has really gone down and almost away, and the swelling is fading into nothing -- my feet are still ugly but functioning very well and I think I will start training again on Saturday -- trying to look seventy when I am only sixty.

The restless worry is about yesterday at the library. I was giving the time sheets to the inmate workers for them to check and then sign. One worker refused to sign it and said he wasn't going to since I had shorted him for the last two months. I was shocked but was sure I had mis-understood what he said, for I would have no reason to short him or any of the workers. Still it bothered me and after he came back from lunch I asked him if he had really meant that I had shorted him, he said yes that he had kept his own time sheet and that I had. Then I asked him if he wanted me to leave, and I think the question bothered him but he said no, that we could just forget about it. Wrong answer, I didn't forget and contacted my supervisors and then his Corrections supervisor since his counselor wasn't in. He sent me the form to fill out for a lay-in until the problem is resolved. Which means the inmate clerk that can't trust me isn't coming back to work for a supervisor that shorts him on his hours and pay.

I didn't short him, but he was the second of the last two workers to say that about my time sheets, the problem is that the time sheets don't allow one to be that creative with time, it is or it isn't the time and the total hours. And if I had made a mistake the workers just point it out and I fix it immediately, I have done that before. So I get two of my last two workers to decide I am crooked, which means to me that they are basically crooked and look at the world as the same. Anyway, I am very testy about my honor - having been treasurer of several different organizations and handling library fines and deposits for two of the libraries I worked at, I really hate being thought of as dishonest and a liar. My blood pressure was sailing right up there yesterday and I felt miserable until my supervisor and the institution said okay to laying him in until he got terminated. Maybe I should pray for us all, I certainly need it.